New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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