so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
