Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
