So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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