I want to have your abortion
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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