well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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