if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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