Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
