I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My cat gives me a boner
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
a search helicopter?!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
