i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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