covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
