I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
