...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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