Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
