Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
