is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
