there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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