It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
nutella sex= disaster
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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