I wish I only lived at night.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
