Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
