I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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