ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
