i can't believe i had my finger in that
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
