so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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