I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
