I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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