was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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