I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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