i permit you to call me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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