Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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