He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
