I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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