Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
