I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
