I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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