Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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