dude i'm inner monologue high
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
