A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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