I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
