He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
