nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
