i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
