i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
