NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize