DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
