i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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