mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
