apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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