I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
