i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
