Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize