I looked at my own cervix.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
