Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
