I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
