the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
