how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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