She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize