omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
