my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
