you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
