is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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