You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
