I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
