Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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