Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize