why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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