I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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