It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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