he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
