mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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