.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
