I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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