I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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