North Korea, Best Korea!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
