I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish i was in the wii world.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
