Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
