My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
