The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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