At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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