please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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