I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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