He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
