I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
