Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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