the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
