shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
