Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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