I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
