i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
