wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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