First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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