It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
