turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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