He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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