I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
