2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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