You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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